Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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