So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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