so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
