I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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