what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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