So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Randomize