remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
