Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
