So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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