Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
wow bdsm is so cute
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