Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
