just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
