worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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