Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
