Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
