I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
