This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Randomize
