Hey man sorry I got all grabby
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
