At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
