My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
