Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
