when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
