I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
