I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
