I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Did I show you my penis last night?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize