my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
i need some magic done to my vagina
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
