I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize