See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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