Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
