Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
