remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
