You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I have tasted many bathrooms
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
