True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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