yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
