You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
