I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
