Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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