Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
