sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
