Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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