At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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