dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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