How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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