the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
