I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I think your dad took our porno
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
