Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
