remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
