remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
