I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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