dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Randomize
