mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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