I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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