Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
