Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
