I'm pants shitting drunk right now
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Randomize
