yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
