I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
