dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
