you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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