I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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