found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
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Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize