90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I would fuck him just for his dog
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
