at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
