I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
