Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
