I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
